The Blog of dreamdancer

It is getting late again, 8 am, I should at least be a quarter through my work day by now, and I am not. This has been going on for about three weeks, since I started over extending myself. I need some reflection. I need some stopping. I need some slowing down. I need to blog. Yes, that is the thing that I let go. No wonder I am feeling so restless, so in pieces. This is like a fix for me. It keeps my mind from going in places were it should not go, because once there I may stay and that is not good for me. I know that. So many seem to have all of the answers about how a person should live their life. Such surety in the things you can walk away from in the attainment of being true to self. There are many valid points made by many. I have come to the conclusion they are not wrong but they are wrong for me. At the end of the day whatever I choose, wherever I go...I am always along for the ride. I can not escape me, not the real nor cyber. They though separate are locked in the same me. So I have decisions to make. I am not going to make these decisions precipitously, but also I am not going to go so slowly that I get caught like a piece debris in flood water. This is not one of my "sunny" blogs. This is an introspective, a sorting out, or the beginnings of the process. Life is a journey and on this journey I have achieved things great and small, the most important piece in all of this to me now is not being reckless, not being tangential, not thinking just of me but of all the pieces of me that includes the people tethered to me in various relationships. When one is considering a huge life change, one must consider the people, the relationships. I am believer that one chooses to be happy, it is not a thing that happens. I have to consider my choices very carefully because one thing I know for sure it is not in me to choose "happy" for me at another's expense. That brand of "happy" though on the horizon now is bright and lights up my world will burn out and leave cinders and ash. I have now lived long enough and have enough experience to see patterns in life and know that no matter how I think I can morph them and mold them that they are like "memory foam" and at some point will assume their original shape. I have lived my whole life that way, being blindsided, allowing myself to be caught up in the going along. No more. I will think some more. I will reflect. I will choose, but when I do it will be with knowing and accepting what I will lose as well as what I will gain. There will be no "I did not see that coming."