The Blog of dreamdancer

For Adam
posted 22 minutes ago, updated 8 minutes later

This is for Adam my son of whom I am so proud. I know moms are not supposed to have favorites, but this child is mine, completely mine. His mind dances with my mind. We have always been simpatico, always one finishing the other's thought. Because there were so many years between him and his brothers, he was for the most part an only child. Needless to say this little part here will never make it to the cold light of day it will disappear forever with this blog when I do. But the rest will be lovingly put into his card with his graduation presents, but I really needed to say it out loud.



To Adam My Son

Occasion: Graduation from University.

You were the last but I gave you the first's name, Adam.
You were not supposed to be but were a gift to me.
You were my wise little one, always understanding
more than your years would seem to allow.
You returned life's magic to me and I have held on
tight ever since.

I remember the walk we took where you asked,
"Am I going to die too."
I remember the look in your eyes and hated
delivering the truth.
I remember you were all of 5, too tender, too young
to know such things.
I remember your first day at school, the
excitement, the gentleness of you taking others
under your wing.
I remember you on the soccer field with your
sorries and excuse me's. It so made me smile.
I remember your taking the reins of your own life
early into your own hands, from what you wore,
what you ate, to how you thought about life.

We never lied to you about Santa Claus, Jesus, God,
they were just like Pinocchio, Bambi, and Oscar the
Grouch in your little mind, stories.
We never wanted to box you in, we wanted you to
choose things god, to find your own soul, walk
your own path.
We never wanted you to fold to authority for
authority sake, but to question, investigate,
counter opinion but with respect.
We never wanted you to feel over protected, smothered,
or as if your decisions were made for you rather than with you.

I remember when in 4th grade you were
aggravated because you felt your teacher liked
girls more than she did boys.
I remember how unfair you thought that was and
when I asked , "Well what do we do about that?"
I remember you respectfully stating your case to
that teacher so convincingly that you won her
grudging respect.
I remember your so easy-going nature and your
friends all so different, some cool, some not, but
you brought them together and everyone fit.
I remember you being far wiser than I, telling me
to open my eyes listen, read, watch, play before I
write something off.
I remember that I listened to all of your music,
watched your anime, learned to play your games
actually became part of your life.
I remember your dark days with the clothes all
black and the gray and the purple streaked hair.
I remember the skating and the 540s, 900s, and
the heart stopping 1080s in mid air and upside
down with you on those tiny wheels.
I remember wanting to grab you and tell you to
stop, and when you went semiprofessional that
summer I wanted to lock you away and throw
away the key, but I did not.
I remember you thanking me because you knew
what it cost me to let you go and follow your
heart's desire.
I remember watching "Dances with Wolves" and you
telling me my Indian name should be "Dances with
Dreams," how that still touches my heart and
makes me smile.

You never in all of your time at home gave us
anything but joy and made us an integral part of
your life.
You never locked us out in you teen angst. You
were so unusual in you ability to include us and
not see us as the enemy.
You were there with me every step of the way
when at 16 we almost lost your dad.
You stepped up and took on the adult mantle of
life at 16 with great dignity and self possession.
You were there through all the operations, the IV
therapy, the OT, the PT, the testing, the
hospitalizations.
I have thanked you in the past I know, but now
today again, I want to say thank you my son, you
were the rock I held onto in those dark days.

I remember the car rides home with you and your
friends after track, riding with the windows wide
open so I could breathe and you fellas thinking
that it was so funny.
I remember the parties, the games, the trampoline,
the halfpipe, the rope swing, the music, what a
wonderful time it was.
I remember your first love who turned out to be
your long-time love, 5 years.
I remember worrying so when she was no longer a
part of your life, but you even now are still
friends.
I remember when I had pneumonia and you read
to me my favorite book for 3 days off and on until
the fever broke.
I remember the Billy Joel tickets you gave to me,
my lord that must have cost you the earth and
you were but 14.

I know these last 8 years have been hard. I have
been so sorry we were not able to help with
college, that financially you had to do it alone.
I know there must have been times when you were
so tired that you must have wanted to give up.
I know that as you graduate with honors you will
just take it like so much else you have in stride
that you will not make a big deal and will be
humble about it.
I know you look at your achievement as being just
what needed to be done the right foot, left foot,
move forward shtick.
I know you will hardly take any time and savor this
moment, the accolades. You will just move on and
live your life, and take your next step.
I know son that you know I love you more than my
life and to me when it comes to sons you are
summa cum laude and always have been.

Adam I love you,
Mom